Things that you think are making you less confident, and the things that are actually holding you back!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, confidence is not what is actually holding you back.
It’s the reasons and excuses people tell themselves, that hides what is really going on with them.
In this blog post, I will describe the most common excuses I have come across, so you can hopefully get a little deeper into your mindset and stop making them.
What You Think Your Problem Is When You Make Excuses
1. Other People Not Seeing Your Potential
Ohhh this is one excuse that I used to constantly complain about. And wow, it was such a downer to anyone around me.
I used to complain that if only I could work my way, I would be much happier, and it would make my life easier. I also used to wish my director could see how much hard work I was doing, and how intelligent I am, and support me in my growth instead of not being at the forefront of any new coaching projects.
I also remember (before Covid) requesting to work from home, and that being rejected, my co-workers taking my ideas as their own, and just the sheer amount of awful things that happen in the corporate world that drives everyone mad.
In reality, it’s you that needs to take charge of your life, and believe that you have the power if you want something to go for it and make it happen.
It’s not up to anyone else to give you your life.
You are the only one that knows what you want and what it means to you. So you are the only one that can achieve it.
What is really going on is: You don’t believe you are enough.
I know, shocking! But it’s true, you know those people who do what they want before they have permission to do so, that’s what we are aiming for.
To believe in something without needing anyone else. Without someone giving us the time, or the budget, or they say so, it’s you believing in yourself, your abilities, and going for it.
Not thinking you are enough is a pattern all a lot of people get themselves into, and it’s because all our lives we are told how to act, what to do, where to go, and so much more.
To stop making this excuse there is a switch that needs to happen where you begin to take on the responsibility of yourself!
You need to look after yourself enough to the point where, in every part of your life, you are happy with.
You love to be in your presence because you know who you are and you’ve made a life that you love.
2. You’ve Failed in the Past
Ahhh the scars of our past haunt us for way too long.
Unfortunately, we all have those moments when you get a flashback of something you wish you could have done differently, the way you broke up with your last ex, the way you left your last workplace, or the last conversation you had with your ex-flatmate.
But in truth, we cannot go back in time, and also, who would want to?
What you can do though is heal those wounds. Understand them, and learn from them.
Ask and journal about what you would have done differently, how you would have acted, what you learnt from the whole experience, and figure out what you gained from it, not how bad it made you feel.
Also understand those bad feelings, are you embarrassed about what other people think?
What is it that you wish you could have been better in that situation? Or do you still want that person in your life?
Failing is not failing like you think it is.
Failing is when it stops you from doing what you are meant to be doing. So being mean, or not fully being your authentic self, is a lesson to be learnt.
Building on top of that experience, and making sure it is something you are capable of growing from, is how you turn a failure into a positive.
What it really means is you don’t know your accomplishments
So I want you to instead of being embarrassed about failing in the past, think of the things that you learn from that experience.
To stop your brain from making this excuse, think about what you would have done differently, and how you would change things now, and do them if you can.
Turn this list into a list of accomplishments. Listing all the things you have overcome, and did not fall to bits over.
3. You Didn’t get a Good Degree
Ahhh this is the one thing that so many people have polarising opinions on.
So there are a lot of companies, who are now taking away the need to have a degree to do a job.
Because it doesn’t mean anything.
What matters is, if you can do the job or not.
Having a degree means you can stick at something for a long time, I should know – I’ve done two of them.
It’s the background knowledge of a subject.
However, so many degrees can be used in different types of jobs, like if you have a psychology degree and want to work in marketing or HR.
Some companies would prefer you to have experience or a blank slate so they can teach you how they want you to work within their organisations.
But times have massively changed and are still evolving.
You can learn so much from the school of Google and YouTube, that a degree is a nice-to-have rather than a must-have.
Yes, of course there are always jobs you are going to need formal education for, but don’t let that stop you from making the excuse that you always need a degree from a prestigious university.
What this means is you are scared and have already made up your mind that you can’t live the life you want to live.
As if you don’t go for it, you never need to say I failed.
But as we have already spoken about, failure only happens when you let your actions stop you from going for it.
4. You Are Not Smart Enough
This is also Balls!!!!
We are told that we may not be good enough, but that is simply someone else’s opinion. It’s not the be-all and end-all.
What is smart to one person may not be to the other.
It’s all about what you know you can bring to the table.
This is also something that you are more than capable of changing.
Not necessarily earning a degree, but you can learn anything online these days.
It’s all about you showing up for yourself to find out first the best way you learn.
This took me a while, as I always like to take a ton of notes, and then sit on them for months.
Obviously, I was massively procrastinating, and not stretching anywhere near my zone of genius.
So one day I realised it’s not the first time I need to hear something for it to sink in. I need to hear it a couple of times, and then make notes that apply to what I need to work on.
Procrastinating often happens when you feel overwhelmed, and you simply don’t know where to begin. This is often a massive sign that your plan of action needs some work, which is where I can support you.
It’s always good to get someone who is used to achieving a lot to look over what you need to do, spot any holes, and cheer you on or keep you accountable.
You may have heard that you were not smart enough from someone in your past, but that is a wound that needs to be healed, and the best way to do that is to talk it out with someone who can help you see it from a different perspective and stop making that excuse for yourself. That is why I love mindset work.
I get to support people in changing their perspectives on the possibilities within them.
5. Lack of Energy
So you’ve done a full day of work, you’ve commuted home, picked up something to eat on the way, and you crash on the sofa.
Literally, nothing left in the tank to do anything productive.
But you know you need to do something productive, to make tomorrow better, grow your knowledge and be your best self.
This was me seven years ago.
The reason why I made the excuse that I didn’t have enough energy is because I didn’t really believe I could.
I was scared of actually moving, even when no one was watching, to change what I hated. I had gotten into such a negative pattern of behaviour that anything I wanted to do seemed like a monumental effort.
Obviously, I later realised that I want to get anywhere without making shifts, but the first of them was to change what I was eating, how I was being productive, and telling people what I wanted.
So the first way to stop making this excuse is simple: if you have no energy left, I believe it’s the nutrients you are feeding yourself that need to be looked at.
When you eat right, you have loads of energy, you feel better, and you have less brain fog.
I have tried soooooo many different things to flip this on my development journey, and my favourite is celery juice, or a healthy smoothie really early on in my day, having a salad as a meal, and the most obvious, drinking water all the time.
You have to make the first step and realise you can change, and it starts with the small things, like what you put into your body.
Then realise that you are procrastinating, because you don’t really know where to start. Yes, you want to read more, but what?
Yes, you want to do that course, but what does that mean? How many hours will you need to put in?
So getting specific with your day, will enhance your chances of getting off your sofa, and making changes happen, for you.
As you are enough to make a difference.
When you complain about your current situation, I want you to get into the habit of thinking of ways you could change either the way you see things or the situation.
You are at the centre of your universe, so you have to make the shifts happen for yourself.
If you need to figure out what that really looks like for you, get in contact with me and I can help you.
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