Oct 18, 2021

3 Steps to Manage Emotions in Yourself and With Others

By Arisha

How to Manage Your Emotions to be Your Best Self

 

The aim of the game when you have a growth mindset is to become your best self

 

To be the one that has all of their dreams come true, and be the person that gets it all. 

 

Think about all the things that you want to be, but don’t try, because you need more money, more time, more intelligence, more people. 

 

And how to decipher if emotions are the cause of your actions or other peoples actions. 

 

This is the one that got me into a spin once I found out that other people’s emotions were affecting me and the decision that I was making and living through. 

 

Becoming emotionally intelligent and managing your emotions is not an easy journey, looking at and feeling your emotions is never fun, but it is so insightful.

 

3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions Within Yourself and Others 

 

 

 

There are 6 steps for creating new habits and sticking to them

Listen

Listening will allow you to hear how other people are feeling, but of course, you can only hear what they tell you. 

But actively listening will allow you to hear what they are going through

The key here is to not assume what they are going through with your own biases. 

How do you listen and pay attention to your own emotions?

I find the best way is to talk to yourself. 

We all do this all day every day, but getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper, and seeing them, reading them out loud, and listening to the words you have written down, allowed me to physically see the conversations that I was having with myself. 

And how harsh I was being to myself. 

This was quite an eye-opener, whilst on my journey to being the best version of me, I was also holding onto the worst things that I could say, or that others have said to me. 

I had those flashbacks of when other people didn’t see me succeed and didn’t think that I was capable, so I decided to believe them to this day. 

But no more! 

I had to listen out for all the good voices in my head, and follow those. 

You know the voices that remind you, you still need to work on that, or you need to work out today, the ones that remind you of the things you need to stay on top of, those are the voices that you are going to want to listen to, and ignore the I’m too tired, I can do it tomorrow voices. 

Being able to listen to others in a way that you don’t push your bias onto them is a huge step when it comes to managing your emotions. 

Listening Process

  1. So listen without, knowing who they are or what they’ve done in their past 
  2. Remove your expectation of the outcome
  3. Understand that they may not want a resolution, they may simply want to talk things out
  4. Believing everyone has their own answers they simply need to figure them out for themselves 
  5. Hold space for them to grow during the story
You will need a plan to stick to your new habit

Walk a Mile in Their Shoes 

The only way to know what is going on with someone is to be them. Lol

 

But we cannot do that for every single person. What we can do is, see ourselves in their position. 

 

See what we would do, and how we would act from this place

 

Try to understand what it would feel like to be in that other person’s position. Decide what you would do, and how you would react. 

 

But don’t forget that you will never have all the pieces to their puzzle, it will simply be a rendition of what they want to share with you. 

 

Your role as a supporter should be from a place of understanding, and one of the ways you can do this is by trying to create this situation for yourself and see how you would react, then explain that to them if they ask you.

 

This will not only expand your world, and have a better understanding of your friend’s situation, but also allow you to imagine yourself in different scenarios that you may not naturally find yourself in. 

 

It’s important to also remember here that you may have been in the same situation as they are telling you about, but they will not be the same, they will be different because of your past experiences and your personal biases. 

 

On the flip side, to become more emotionally intelligent for yourself, really look at your reactions, and status at different times of the day and see yourself from an outsider’s perspective. 

 

What advice would you give yourself if your friend was going through a similar thing? 

 

I use this tool a lot on negative self-talk. 

 

It allows you to see how you speak to yourself, vs how you would speak to someone you love. 



Set a time and place to help you stick to your new habit

Perspective

Think about the reasoning behind your and other people’s emotions, realise how you would react if you had a moment to think about it, or had the whole picture, or even better, you knew the outcome would be one way or another. 

Sometimes we know that we could do better, but only after our emotions have taken over. 

Developing our emotional Intelligence through managing our emotions supports knowing when to take a moment and think about what we want from the situation and to assess how we feel then react in a way that we want.

The biggest realisation was to be able to see that some of the reasons why I wasn’t really happy and connected to my life were because I wasn’t living it. 

I was living through other people’s emotions, what made other people happy, people-pleasing. 

So I had to stop. 

The worst part of this was to realise that some people only like it when you agree with them. So leaving relationships because I was not involved was a painful learning curve. 

Next came being comfortable with expressing what I wanted even though it’s not what everyone who has good intentions for me wants, mainly family. 

On the flip side, I now argue and state my opinion with everyone, and the friends and family that I do have around me I know are ones for discussing things with me that I know won’t be offended and I can be around for the rest of my life. 

I hope this has helped you to take the first steps in managing your emotions and growing your emotional intelligence.

If you have any more questions, please email me

Arisha. 

If you miss a day for your new habit, don't beat yourself up about it

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