To gain confidence, you must first stop making the excuses that are holding you back
Oct 4, 2021

How to Use Emotional Intelligence as a Skill

By Arisha

 

 

 

Before we get into how to use emotional intelligence as a skill in your everyday life, let’s first define exactly what emotions and emotional intelligence are. 

 

 

 

EMOTION

 

 

 

“A conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feelings usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioural changes in the body”

 

 

 

By Merriam Webster

 

 

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

 

 

 

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.”

 

 

 

– Mayer & Salovey, 1997

 

 

 

Don Hockenbury and Sandra E. Hockenbury in their book Discovering Psychology speak about how there are three different parts of emotion: subjective experience, physiological response, and behavioural expression.

 

 

 

 

The Three Different Parts of Emotion

 

 

Subjective Experience

 

 

We all experience emotions differently and at different intensities. 

 

 

 

Your past will have an effect on the emotion that will show up in how you feel every time. 

 

 

 

For example, when you feel anxious the first time, it’s strange and confusing, but once you’ve overcome that first experience, you reflect and realise that was anxiety, and you know what it now feels like, but sometimes you need to think about it for a while to realise what triggered it. 

 

 

 

This is also how limiting beliefs are created. 

 

 

 

You reacted to something that scared you in some way and now you know to be more aware of this thing and create more of a rule around it. 

 

 

 

This is how our fears can take control. 

 

 

 

The only way for you, not your fears, to be in control is to be more aware of why you do and don’t want to take action on things that you are interested in. 

 

 

 

Physiological Response

 

 

 

Emotions can physically change the way you are. 

 

 

 

You know when you get sweaty palms because you’re so nervous? 

 

 

 

Well, if I’m being completely honest, I get a sweaty upper lip!! Lol

 

 

 

You can tell your emotions have been triggered by the way your body reacts to your situation. 

 

 

 

Learning to notice these things will support you to become more emotionally intelligent

 

 

 

To realise where you feel excited and want to jump up and down, and places you physically run from. 

 

 

 

For me, it was my upper lip. It happens when I get nervous and under pressure

 

 

 

So I know that if I’m getting a sweaty upper lip, I need to take a deep breath, and calm myself down. 

 

 

 

Knowing this helps me in so many situations. 

 

 

 

If you reflect back, how do you react when you are under pressure?

 

 

 

Behavioural Expression 

 

 

 

This is when you react immediately because your emotions are triggered. You know when you feel anger and you begin to shout, and don’t realise what you’re doing until after the fact, that’s you expressing your emotions because one of your emotions has been triggered.

 

 

 

This is like saying that hurt people hurt people. 

 

 

 

When your emotions are triggered, you react in an irrational manner when you are not aware of your emotions, or triggers. 

 

 

 

So learning more about your personal triggers and when and what triggers them is key to getting a hold of your emotions in all situations. 

 

 

 

How to Become More Emotionally Intelligent and Use It As a Skill

 

Self Awareness

 

To become more emotionally intelligent, you need to start noticing your emotions. But not just how you feel, how your emotions make others feel. Where your emotions come from, and what you react to. 

 

You learn a lot about your environment and the people you hang out with when you become more self-aware. 

 

You see the people who lift you up, and those that pull you down, the same with places and times of the day. 

 

The other bonus of becoming self-aware is that you learn so much about yourself. 

 

You learn what you love and what you don’t, the things that you are good at, and the things you are not and as a result, you become more you. 

 

You see where your strengths lie and where you need to grow. 

 

Emotional intelligence is a key skill for everyone on their personal development journey. 

 

As you need to learn the way you take on board information, how you react to your environment, how you can show yourself more love and care, and what lifts you up when you are down and vice versa. 

 

When you learn to become more self-aware, it’s in order for you to grow, and develop yourself to be the person you love being. It takes a lot of growth and determination. 

 

What makes the journey easier, is knowing more about how you work and what makes you tick.

Master Your Emotions 

 

When you’re more emotionally intelligent, you learn how to control your emotions so you know when you let them out and when to use them to influence the situation you are in. 

 

Yes, you become a supervillain. Lol

 

Only joking, 

 

You learn how to look at your environment and see when you are able to connect through your emotions and when you know to protect yourself from showing your emotions. 

 

This is really helpful when you realise that certain places take your emotions and do not handle them well. But it also teaches you how and when you are able to take a look inwards, and really see what triggered your emotion, and how to heal from a place of understanding.

 

Make Better Connections

 

You connect better with others, as you can use your emotional intelligence as a skill to make stronger connections with others, as you can relate to them and also listen really well. 

 

You are able to use your emotional intelligence and the connection that you had with others through your emotions to grow a connection and continue a relationship. 

 

It’s why you collect by the water cooler in the office and bitch about your managers, it’s what you have in common, and creates more of a community within your office. 

 

However, we do not always want to connect through negative emotions, as that is all you will see. 

 

You want to switch that around and create more positive connections that support each other through anything. 

 

You can also use your emotions in your leadership qualities, by noticing how your team members feel about projects, and see how they need to be supported more easily.

 

Be Empathetic

 

It’s lovely to be able to see the emotion in others, but also to see when you can connect and when to leave them alone. 

 

Emotionally intelligent people have the skills to see emotions in others too, and know how best to react, but they can also see where to emotionally interact and not to. 

 

Sometimes it’s not the best situation to have emotional discussions or with certain people. 

 

But this also helps with work too, you can see how people will need support, and the stages that they will go through to get from one point to another, and this helps in so many fields. 

 

Keep Going

 

Emotionally intelligent people often see where they need to go, and understand their goals and what it will take to achieve them. They are aware that it will take work, and understand that they are the ones that will need to grow and change. 

 

You know that your emotions will drive you towards what you love, and have ups and downs. So to counteract your levels of emotions so you can continue on your journey for longer. 

 

If you have a project that you have wanted to start but are scared to, book a call with me asap, and I can help create a support plan for you to make sure you succeed on your journey through using your emotional intelligence as a skill.

Arisha 

 

To be more confident, it's super important to stop making the excuse that you've failed in the past

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