Confidence building is a process, and the first step on your journey is to clear up the biggest myths about growing your confidence
Aug 16, 2021

The 6 Biggest Myths Preventing Your From Building Your Confidence

By Arisha

Hey beautiful, 

Ever wanted to be someone else?

Ever looked at your mates, and thought if only I could be like that I would be happier?

Well, why aren’t you?

It’s not hard, however it is work to change what you believe about yourself currently into the version of yourself that you adore.

You do need to put in the hours, but it’s your life, and you are worth it.

Confidence can be built and so can intelligence, so can being funny, so can all personality traits. 

There are so many myths around why you are not and can never build confidence, and I want to take you through some of them and dispel them for you.

I’m doing this because I do not want you to stop yourself from being the person you truly want to be. To understand that the daydream of you telling your next-door neighbour what you really feel could be you, it doesn’t have to stay a dream.

Confidence Building Myths

1. It’s inherited or you’re just “born that way”

 

Nobody is born that way. 

 

We learn so many ways of being, acting and sharing from our parents, and we stay that way forever unless you do any mindset work, or have a really big shift in your life. 

 

You can do the same, learn what you want to build your confidence in and grow that part of yourself. 

 

It’s all about two things: 

 

  1. Faith 

 

  1. Trial.

 

What most people seem to lack is a belief in themselves. 

 

You need to trust and believe you are the exact way you need to be to succeed. 

 

You have the tools and qualities, to dive to make everything happen for you. 

 

But currently, you are relying on your fear and believing your limiting beliefs instead of trusting what got you here and what has made you survive this long. 

 

Trusting in your own abilities is a little tough if you’ve gone into the “I can’t” whirlwind. 

 

So if this is you, ask the people whose opinions matter to you the most, what they consider to be your skills, your talents, your best quality, and bask in your amazing abilities. 

 

Seriously, remind yourself of them every day, visualise when you were that version of yourself, and understand that that still is a part of you, and you can pick that back up at any point. 

 

You can build confidence and you do that by doing! 

 

Sorry, but it is the only way. You have to grow it, and you have to try to see what really happens, to see how the process works, how you feel, see the difference in yourself, and where you can improve. 

The only way to build confidence is through taking action

2. It’s only for others only, like the popular people

 

You believe the people that do the most have the most. 

 

Nope, not true.

 

They may have tried many more times than you, and that is what has gotten them to the level of confidence that they’ve built. 

 

But they had to start somewhere just like everyone else. It may seem like they were born that way, but it is just practice. 

 

It is simply them putting themselves in places where they can shine because they have already learnt how to do so. 

 

Also, just because someone is better at being confident, or has more of it, doesn’t mean you don’t get to be confident too.

You don't have to have a certain kind of life to build confidence

3. You have to have that kinda life – you need to create that life, and build confidence

 

You have to be going places, know loads of people, and live the high life, to be confident as that is how you make good connections and make ones that will put you on the stage, or at dinner with the CEO, and so on. 

 

Again, very not true. 

 

Yes, there are kiss arses, and yes there are people who went to the same uni as each other who help each other out. 

 

I need you to understand that just because someone else has it, that doesn’t mean you don’t get to have it too. 

 

There are many opportunities out there for all of us, we simply have to believe it. 

 

As thinking there is not enough will always leave you feeling like you can’t access what others have, and this is simply not true

 

You can make new connections simply by putting yourself out there and speaking to others, all it takes is you emailing them asking to go for coffee, or going to places to work, and putting yourself out there. 

 

Which from personal experience I know is sooo tough, but soooo worth it. 

 

You get to create the life you want, and you have to do it yourself, nobody is going to give it to you.

 

So figure out how you want to live, how you are going to get there and go.

 

You can build confidence by staying informed about what's going on in the world

5. 4. Smart and always in the know – you have to try to become knowledgeable.

 

Super confident people somehow always know what is going on in the world. 

 

I used to believe this one sooo much. I always wondered how everyone always knew stuff before I did. 

 

Do they have a secret insider, who always had the inside scoop on it all? 

 

Truth – Nope.

 

They simply follow their people online, or read newspapers and magazines, and watch or have a notification on the news. 

 

They are purposeful about the information they take in, and how often. I once heard someone’s morning routine always ended with them watching the news so that they could keep up with what is going on in the world. 

Today more than ever, it is so easy to know what is going on in the world. Simply find the people who resonate with your viewpoint, follow them and make sure you find time to watch or read up on your fave subject. 

 

I cannot stand watching the news, it’s not something I actually enjoy, so I follow people on Insta who update me on laws, and current events. I also use my news app, so I can click on articles that are of interest to me. 

 

But figure out what it is that you are aiming for and think you need to stay in the know about and use the tools that you have around you. 

 

It’s up to you to find the information that you need and ignore the rest. 

 

That is why I am a massive believer in curating your feeds, unsubscribing from emails that don’t enhance your life, and only hanging out with people that lift you up.

5. You just have to be confident to get what you want

 

Building confidence is not enough on it's own to get what you want

To get what you want, you have to know what you want. 

 

It’s not enough to simply be knowledgeable, or just confident. 

 

You have to know the end goal and know what it is that you are constantly working towards. 

 

Then figure out how you are going to achieve this. 

 

Then a plan of action on how to work with who you are currently. 

 

What you need to understand is that there are levels of confidence, and they all revert to the levels of your understanding. 

 

Sometimes you can be confident in speaking up, but not about a subject that is of importance to you. 

 

You can be confident to go out on loads of dates, but not to travel on your own. 

 

So it’s always growing and building on top of you acting and learning from your experiences. 

 

It never is the same, and you get to see yourself in a different light, every single time because you always grow into someone you can be super proud of. 

 

But the first step is always when you are the least confident. 

 

Once you realise that you can, because you are amazing and capable of creating a life you want to live in, that’s when acting upon your instincts kicks in and you no longer feel the need to be a certain way to achieve what you want, you just act. 

 

Confidence is simply a tool we use, and sometimes people can use it to hold them back, which I hope after reading all of this you no longer do. 

6. All confidence is good – for some people its ego, and for some it’s fear

 

Confidence isn’t born, it’s built, and that age-old saying of fake it until you make it drives me nuts!

 

Because you are only lying to yourself. And when you fake it, it’s not the real you that is showing up, it’s only a perceived you, that you base on what you assume others are like, or want you to be like. 

 

Which is not the best way to start.

 

Long-lasting confidence is you being your most authentic self all day every day. It’s about showing your truest self to the right people in the right way. 

Building long-lasting confidence is you being your most authentic self all day every day

In other instances it’s “I have to show up a certain way, or something negative will happen”. 

 

Which is also bad. 

 

You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. The keeping up with the Joneses mentality has gotten so many people into so much debt, stress and mental breakdowns, because you cannot keep up with someone else’s life. 

 

It’s also you not really looking in the right direction. So when you want something and expect someone else to give it to you, instead of you going out there and getting it yourself, it’s you leaving your life in someone else’s hands. 

 

If you want it, you’ve gotta go for it. 

 

The bottom line is confidence is only built when you are doing exactly what you really want to, and it lasts because you heighten your awareness of the choices you make and learn more and more about yourself along the way. 

 

I hope this has shown you that confidence is for you to grow and deleted all the rumours around it. 

 

Lots of love, 

 

Arisha. 

 

Confidence is only built when you are doing exactly what you really want to

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